I CAN MOONWALK!
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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