you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
