I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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