i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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