Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
