I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
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I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
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I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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