in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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