After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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