I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
