She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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