dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
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I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
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If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize