I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
