i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
