I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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