you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
No subtext here. People are naked.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
