Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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