Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
