I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
