you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
