Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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