next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
