you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
