Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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