the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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