Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
