she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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