just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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