so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
