yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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