i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
