My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
