11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
