Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
