i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
