I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
