and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
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Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
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Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Why did my mother make you get naked?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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