So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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