Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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