Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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