Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
