I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
