girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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