one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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