I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
