Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
