Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
