U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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