So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
