I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
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