she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I see more hoeing in ur future
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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