She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
