Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
