two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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