You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
