Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
