Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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