Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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