We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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