Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
