Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
