people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
