Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
