I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
