Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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