I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
