you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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