I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
