I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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