On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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