Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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